Hello... Hello... Can you see the big white arrow on the ground in front of you? Yes that one. It's not pointing at you because you are awesome it is pointing at you because you are an idiot and going the wrong way. You also expect me who is going the right way to back up for you so you can be a lazy git and grab that nice car spot right beside me. Well guess what. I've got a book to read and I'm not budging.
I despise using shopping centre carparks. With a passion. I despise the wandering aimlessly down the middle of the road shoppers who think it is their right to wander aimlessly down the middle of the road holding up traffic. I despise the can't park for peanuts people who might as well leave you a can opener so you can get back into your car upon discovering how lonely they are and have parked practically touching your car for comfort.
There are lines on the ground for a reason. Park nice and neat and straight between them leaving a nice even gap either side of your car to allow ease of access for you and the person who parks next to you.
They are not lines of challenge to see how far sideways you can get your car and still be between them, nor are they for seeing if you can get your wheels to be so completely on them but still leave the merest hint of white visible so as to say you are properly parked.
I despise the cranky sods who sit there honking at you while you are loading your car because they want the car spot.
I despise the lazy sorry excuse for a human beings who are too lazy to walk their trolley back to the trolley bay so leave it leaning 'safely' against your car.
I know he is old and a little dinged but he is my car and I love him. He is not your leaning post, your easy ticket out of doing what you ought.
I despise the morons who think it is ok to use the carpark for their astray or rubbish bin. It's not ok. Stop it. The world is not your personal tip.
And then to add insult to injury after navigating the horrors and frustrations of the car park you make it as far as the entrance where the smokers have lined themselves up for the last minute gasp before entering. I just love (sarcasm) how you stand under the no smoking signs and puff away like the sign was made for everyone but you. I bet you are one of the sideways parking, wrong way going, aimlessly wandering treasures.
Inside is no better once you weave your way through the self absorbed herds of shoppers who think nothing of aiming their trolley's at you, push past you or snatch things from under your fingers or let their feral children use the shop as a playground, you come to the checkouts.
The 12-15 items or less checkouts are high on my kill me now scale.
For reasons known only to morons and button pushers people line up in a single cue even though there is two or maybe more registers open and space has been designed for a cue at each one. But no they have to stand way back to see who will be finished first so they can be served faster... it doesn't work all you are doing is creating chaos and annoying people like me.
Pick a register and go to it. Go on, Be brave, Live in the moment and make a choice. But for the love of my rapidly fading sanity don't stand there looking lost and forlorn or eyeing each register for the fastest serving wench. If you were in the 'normal' check out aisle you would pick one and line up. Same deal here folks, so come on be a dear and PICK A @#$^(!# LINE.
I was highly opposed to online shopping. The dehumanisation of the world and all. But people like this make me want to consider it as a valid alternative to jail time because one day someone will get punched in the face. And let me tell you punching someone in the face is no where near as satisfying as it sound. I've done it. But that's another rant.
Be a dear, Be a love, Be someone I want to smile at and talk too. Go the right way, it's not hard and it is the law. Park a nice easy distance between the white lines, Don't wander down the road tempting me to run your down. Don't stop right outside the entrance for that last two or three cigarettes I will one day assume you are on fire and throw water at you. And please, please don't let your children run around and then get mad at me when your little 'angel' runs into my trolley and hurts themselves. Not my fault. And when you get to the 12 items or less check out I beg of you pick a register and line up at it. In short, save my sanity and don't be a shopping centre nightmare.
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